In the meeint we talked about the work schedule for a long time. After the meeting Hanley approached me and aksed what was wrong. I was frustrated because I've started to realize how much I hate that question. He persisted for a while but finally stopped. I didn't have a good answer to give. I think I just needed some time alone, I'm not used to spending every waking moment with people. I desire to process things. Sometimes I can't even help but try to because they will ben on my mind consuming my thoughts.
Anyways I went to the bathroom and Derek got on me for having a bad attitude. I didn't know how to respond, honestly I was pretty pissed. I tried to defend myself but I felt like he didn't really want to hear it. It's very frustrating because I feel like Derek is becoming quick to get on me and is really sensitive and I'm just like hey man this is life, this is me. Also we just talked about a very similar issue a few days ago. I ended up leaving and was in the dinning hall trying to pray through it/ process and about five minutes in Kelsey sat down next to me. We talked for like an hour. It was good to talk through it with someone. But I still have to deal with it. When I got back to the tent everyone was sleeping and ben woke u0p and was like"Where were you? We were all worried for you" Honestly, wow that didn't help. I just felt like getting up at our next meeting and saying "I don't know what the expectation for how I am supposed to act is but could someone please tell me so I can try to perform to that better" I just don't understand I'm not going to be one way 24/7 I have emotions, I go through challenges, things stress me out, I get tired, and I need to be alone sometimes.
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