I have to give a special shout out to Andrea, You inspire me. I love reading you blog, it really is just refreshing...... I treat it like a tv show almost. When I have not read it for a while I get excited that maybe there are like five posts for me to catch up on and then I read one if I'm really busy or I just read all of them if I'm not.
Also today for the first time I thought "I wonder if Andrea blogged this last summer, and how interesting that would be to read about her thoughts on camp if she did". So I checked and there were only a few posts but they were interesting.
It was actually kind of tough because it made my heart hurt. Funny how that works looking back on how I felt a lot of times at camp. But God gave me some amazing friendships there. Friendships that continued to grow after camp and are still growing ( Very slowly at times). These are geographically challenged friendships. Those are hard friendships, it is tough to catch each other on the phone. I have only been able to see two of my close friends from the summer since I left camp. Those experiences were very weird. First in November I saw Andrea for maybe 3 hours in Chicago, we talked and walked the streets and it was amazing but also very weird. It was this weird feeling of like "this should be normal and it seems normal that we are just hanging out again, but it's not because it has been 3 months" and we only knew each other for 2 1/2.
Then there was the hour and a half I spent with Dave in Minnesota. Crazy our parents live ten minutes from each other. How weird. I know we don't get to talk much but you people are very close to my heart. So much so that it hurts. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me.
I remember so well being dropped off at the airport on august 8th, 2009. I hadn't really been that upset about camp ending or really cried much. Which was weird because I am a person that hates goodbyes and the reality was for me and most of those people that was goodbye, not see you later, it was see you never, have a good one. As cold as it is to say for a lot of the people I spent 2 1/2 months with I was ok with that. I remember the time leading up to leaving after I was a crew camper for six weeks in 2004 and the days leading up to that were brutal. I really ached when it was over. When rez ended I felt mostly numb. That was until I said goodbye to Eric and I started to realize "Wow I have become really close to this guy and I really do love him". That was the one part of that night that was hard. When he said "stay in touch. Honestly, I do not tell everyone that and I mean it" I almost started crying. It was amazing to see/feel that genuineness.
Then when we got to the airport the next day, that was really tough. We stood together at the door, we stood as a group and we prayed. We stood together as friends who developed friendships centered on Christ and it was beautiful. Then the tears started coming. Because it hurt and the was that real fear of "Maybe this is goodbye". I remember grabbing Callie's hand as we talked together toward our check in and looking back and seeing our dear friends standing together waving goodbye and I don't know what we said but we said something and we turned and ran back and that was soooo good. We ran back to our friends fighting off tears, and caring big grins, I think it was almost to say "We would turn around and stay if we actually could". It was like we just wanted to feel that moment that you always see in the movies when they guy speeds to the airport only to get there just as the love of his life is about to board the plane and say "No wait, i love you" and then she turns and runs to him and then they live happily ever after.....
I know I can't really grasp this but how fortunate are we that we get to have a "happily ever after". I know I do not understand what this means but I think it is good to wrestle with and try to understand/appreciate.
Today I have spent pretty much the entire day alone..... Okay I have only been awake for five hours. But that is a solid amount of time. I spent time going through the bible studies for this summer. Man, I can't believe I'm going back to Eagle Lake. Honestly, sometimes I get nervous about it. Sometimes I allow thoughts of "What if I don't really like it" or what if I can't connect with the people on staff, "what if I am not a good counselor", "Did a make a mistake by not taking an internship", or "What if I get there and just realize right away I made a mistake"
I know these are all lies and will not be a reality this summer. But I have had to fight with them just the same.
Father I know that I am not adequate to disciple these youth but you are more than able to speak through me and use me for them to better understand you. I pray for unity among the staff this summer father, I pray you would break our pride and bring us together through love and humility. There is a quote that is fascinating to me "It is amazing how much can be accomplished if no one cares who gets the credit." John wooden. Father help us not to care who gets the credit this summer but help us to work together and be like minded in discipling these youth for you.
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