War

I'm pretty pessimistic. It is one of my many flaws I wish I was more easy going or just plain optimistic. But I tend to lean towards pessimism. I think most people struggle with perspective and I have been thinking about perspective a lot lately. Perspective is something that is difficult to maintain. I think it is because culturally "perspective" is where you land on the american dream or how you measure up to your peers in terms of success.

I'm reading Fly Boys by James Bradley which is about some airmen who fought in the pacific and became P.O.W.s in Japan during world war two. Most of the book as actually very appalling. War is something I can't even pretend to understand and I think is far to often read about in a way that isn't really attempting to understand it. It seems to me that far to often people read a line like "one hundred thousand american military, two and a half million Japanese and thirty million Chinese were killed in Japan's raid of China and the fighting in the pacific during world war two" and then continue to read on without being fazed. 30 MILLION PEOPLE!!!!! James Bradley has a chapter of his book devoted to Japans "rape" of China and it is horrific. The Japanese just killed everyone in sight when they attacked China. It isn't even the reading about "civilized" war that has been the tough parts to read but it is the sections that talk about different armies decimating civilians and the way that life was view by the different nations. I guess I have had such a sheltered life that it is hard for me to comprehend how the world hasn't stood together for peace. It is incomprehensible to me that nations have been brainwashed to believe that they are so damn different then each other and that other nations youth "deserve" to die. I apologize to anyone who reads this for my ramblings I'm trying to process as I type.

While I wrestle with the insanity of racism, ignorance, and inhumane violence of the world wars of history this book has helped me to adjust my perspective of my life and to be grateful for the environment I have been raised in and the opportunities I have had. If it was the early 1940's I would almost certainly be a soldier in the war or be dead. It is refreshing to take a step back from the mentality of looking at what you haven't achieved and what you don't have to be grateful for what you do have.

I'm not "officially" (Whatever that means ;) Participating in lent but I have been around some people that are and I have just decided for that for this season of lent/life I am trying to give up being ungrateful? I would've just said try to be more grateful but I'm pretty sure you are supposed to stop doing something for lent. This has been a very good thing for me to be challenged with during this season because I am in a season of uncertainty and stress. I feel as if I am on the brink of making some heavy decisions like what to do, where to live, what to devote time time and what things I'm trying to achieve in the next fews years.