Day 21 Friday

It was an early morning on Friday. We have to do luggage runs on friday mornings. So we did those for a while and then at 7 had quiet time but I ended up helping with breakfast and the kitchen. Then crew had breakfast. After breakfast we went down to the parking lot, me and Collin were in charge of parking cars. That was actually pretty boring. After that I went and worked like crazy at three sink till lunch. We had a crew counselor debrief after lunch. It was so nice to spend some time together as a crew staff and it was helpful to hear things that had been happening that week. I felt like I got a much better understanding of some kids because of our discussion. After that we had time to chill with kids till dinner.

During free time one camper (David) hurt his knee playing dodgeball (turns out it was a bone bruise) But that was a cool opportunity to have the other campers circle up and pray for him. Thne later kyle, Chris, and me were waiting with him and we prayed for him.

We had a very nice staff dinner on Friday. Kelsey and I talked a lot before and after dinner. One time when we were talking Mark(Camp director) looked over and gave us a funny look. Essentially it was the "you two are flirting" look. That was interesting. Then I said something to him about it later and he said "hey there are worse things, and then he said I like it". LOL ridiculous.

It is getting harder and harder to repress my feelings. I'm feeling more and more strongly. I think this could be serious. I just feel like I'm not a boy anymore and I'm even more prepared to leave behind things that need to be left behind. It is very weird for me because I've started to realize that I really didn't believe God had someone for me. i mean I always thought I would get married but I think I believed it wouldn't be for a long time. I think part of that is because of past relationships as well as not really meeting anyone over four years of college. I don't think that really explained it but maybe it did. Friday night after dinner I had bible study. I'm leading a group of four guys. I was very nervous about leading a bible study but it went so well. I felt like I connected with the guys. We had smores and sat around a fire. I'm so excited to meet individually with these guys.

Day 20! June 10th

Thursday was a good day. It was basically a day off. I had laundry duty but we don't do laundry the first week, so I asked Hanley if he would like me to do anything and he had nothing for me to do. After breakfast Hanley, Chris, Kyle, and I went out to the man cave to work (Chris and Kyle and the day off).

We worked for like two hours then had lunch. After lunch we hung around and helped out with some stuff then we went on the crew camper horse ride. The ride was a lot of fun Chris, Hanley, and I stayed in the back so we would slow down some times and then gallop to catch up. When the ride was over Alex (The horse director) took the three of us out for another short ride and we went flying. It was amazing we galloped a lot. The only down side is I am really sore from yesterday. Kelsey got back yesterday. I'm hoping to get some time with her this weekend (I have off from Friday at ten to Saturday at seven) But I'm also planning on going to Denver to watch the world cup with Fjelstad and Mergens.

Day 19 June 9

Well journaling every day with an agenda of documenting the day before is not as insightful as I thought it would be. I feel like it is pretty dry on emotion. So today I was sitting on a couch in the lower I and was fighting off sleep so I decided to grab a cup of coffee and journal. I am a counselor for PM service crew today. So after breakfast we had devos ad then free time from 8-11:30.

I just got done talking with Hanley, we talked about potentially switching the counselors to being am, pm, or utility for a week at a time. I would love to go to AM permanently (Which we also talked about) So hopefully that happens. I am currently the role of utility (AKA I switch every day).

Well i have been at camp for 18 days now. I can't decide if that seems like a long time or short time. Kids have been here for three days, I feel like we are getting into a groove. We have terrible coffee here, I'm thinking about it right now because I'm sipping on it :/ The lower I is so much better now than when I was on crew. They have shelves and more couches than we had. Also they have slightly less crappy coffee. The kids have been good, my works crews have been awesome There are a few kids that are just punks. I have a guy in my tent who has a comment about everything and won't shut up at night. Him and another kid are already getting on each others nerves.

Day 18 June 8th

Tuesday was my first day of actually working with the kids. I was pretty nervous going in. It didn't help that Derek had said he had a lot of trouble with the am group the day before. But it turned out to be awesome. Most of the hiccups we had were my fault, but even those didn't slow us down and we got done way early in the morning we even got a bunch of the once a week jobs done. They all talked about how it was so much better than Monday, that felt good to hear. During our debrief I praised them but also tried to challenge them to reach for excellence.

It was also really cool because I got a chance to talk to peter about really accepting criticism and changing with it. because he was so helpful for me and Derek said he had been fighting them on a lot of things (Peter is a third year crew camper) so that was a sweet opportunity to really encourage. Other then that yesterday was good and I had fours hours of free time that I just hung out at the lower I for. Then our activity last night was Zots which was way fun. On the way to the cabins me and Derek had a good talk, we have not had much time around each other since kids came so that was good.

Day 17 Monday

This morning I'm sharing a table with Kelsey as we both journal/devo/share coffee(she didn't make any and Derek gave me a cup. French press of course) And occasionally talk. Today is my day off but I won't have much of a day off. I'm going to try and get at least an hour of bible study in I'm also going to meet with Mark to talk about baptism so I should probably study it a little today.

Yesterday was my day off. But because it is the first week we have to stay at camp. So i got up early had some QT, went to breakfast and tghen decided to go back to bed. When i woke up two hours later. I went to the dinning hall and wotked on updating my blog. then i went to lunch and after lunch me and Hanley hungoug. We went and worked on the man cave, hung out in the A-Frame and then went back to work on the man cave. We hung out for like five hours and it was really good.

Well I need to get some time in the word.

Day 16 June 6th (I know my dates were off, but this is right)

Yesterday was the first day of camp. We started the morning with shaunda and jack talking aobut bible study. Then we met with our bible studies. After that we followed tradition and had chapel out at the point. They have the first chapel every summer at the point. I got torched by the sun. amazing what a few thousand feet closer to the sun will do to you. After chapel we got commissioned, then had brunch. (Kira was here, Rez counselor last summer). It was really good to see her.

At 1:00 the gates opened and kids flooded in. Camp will never be the same. As much as we want them it is hard to adjust from two weeks of staff training. God, I am really nervous, nervous I won't like these kids, nervous i will feel myself pulling away. Give me a lens to see them with even a speck of the love you have for them. Father, show me three guys to request for my bible study. The rest of Sunday was taken up by luggage, moving in to the tents, games, dinner, cleanup, and a meeting.

Day 15 June 6th

Saturday was my official two week mark of waking up at camp. Wow that is weird. What I love about being up here is the feel of such reliance on God and just how obvious it is that life is so much more joyful and deep when you are committed to walking hand in hand with God and serving him. I wouldn't trade these life experiences and relationships for any amount of money or prestigious internship (Thank you Father for providing me with an internship) Saturday was a work day.

Andrew Brown shared a great message about stopping and the sabbath. Then we worked..... lol.

(interesting strategy Eagle Lake). I lead a group of counselors of which Cole, Kelsey, and Broderick were part. At times it was tough keeping the four guys on task but we got a lot of work done. I worked closely with Kelsey for most of the day, that was good and also tough. It is just difficult for me to keep my feelings of that of a friend as well as keeping myself from hoping for more than that. I know the obstacles would be numerous but that doesn't concern me. I ate dinner with Hanley, katilyn, and Kelsey. We had a blast, so much joking and laughing I didn't' even really help clean after dinner we just kept hanging out. one of the staff from the glen spoke after dinner about the relational covenant. then we had a short crew meeting to gather and pray for kids.

Thank you for the heart of this crew staff Father we were/are so excited for kids. Please continue to bless our relationships and bind our hearts together lord. Give me extra love for these kids/ We spent some time after our meeting planning our tent bonding. The dudes are going to have a highland game competition at some point. We are planning on buying fabric for kilts (?).

Then we hit the hay for a good night rest. Eight hours for the first time in a while.

Day off 6/12

I'm sitting down at a coffee shop (Agia Sophia a.k.a Eagle Lake staff hang out) and I'm drinking down my third cup of coffee on the day (At my third coffee shop?!?!?=ELC day off) I honestly feel funny but I'm cheap and I don't want to by a smoothie and I feel bad not buying anything, I also do not like to waste so I'm drinking it....... ah I know it truly is one of those "Oh, Phil" moments (lol Andrea)

Anyways I w as excited to check up on Corey's blog and see the new content.... Too bad there was only one new post. (Come on Corey!) But his post caused me to start thinking, because his questions was "how would you determine the success of a ministry?" I quickly realized I did not have a good answer and that started to get the wheels (in my head) turning.

How would I determine a successful ministry? I know it isn't numbers driven, I have been far to effected by number challenged ministries (*cough*klife*cough) to believe it is numbers. I have also experienced "Monster ministry" that had large numbers of kids stroll through and hear the right answers and allow nothing to sink in or be applied. I am processing as I type so please forgive me if I give the "Wrong" answer. I think a ministries success is determined by a. Being a vehicle for gospel truth. It is our task to spread the seed, we do not determine the amount of growth that follows or when that growth follows. B. Walking with Christ in the mundane of ministry (I was forever changed when I had a conversation with a close friend last summer *cough*Andrea*cough* and she talked about how it is so easy to miss being obedient in the mundane, then months later I was challenged by Hanley in a conversation about the contract that it is the small concessions that we make during our walk that steers our course) C. The heart condition or affect the ministry has had on the ministry leader(s), If a and b are happening then positive changes in C seem only logical to be happening.

Please keep in mind I had never lead a ministry and this is my knee jerk reaction to the question.

Anyways I wanted to post more. But Doyle called and I needed to talk to him and now I have to pack up and head up the mountain but updates to come soon.

Day 14 June 5th

Friday morning we had crew devos and then Ben N spoke for all staff devos. After that we were free to leave the mountain. I hung around for about an hour waiting on my ride. During that time I shared my testimony with Kyle. That was good, I feel like it brought us closer.

Then Julie, Kyle, Chris, and I drove down the mountain. We dropped Julie off and then we did our laundry at a pretty famous spot for ELC staff. After that I introduced the guys to Lu'au's taco shop. It is my favorite place to eat in the springs. I also tried to make a lot of phone calls to friends (mostly unsuccessful) but I got to talk to some people for a little bit like Andrea and mergens. I miss those people. I can't imagine what crew would bee like if Kira, Duran, Andrea, and Caleb were on it or even one of them.

It would also be amazing to have mergens around to continue that relationship. I love hanley but E-ROCK had this way of listening and responding that was so inviting I felt like I could be completely vulnerable with that guy. After lunch we went to Agia Sophia (AKA ELC staff hangout in the springs) Seriously that place was crwaling with ELC staff. I caught up on NBA stuff. I think I read 8 articles about game one of the finals. Then I spent a few hours working on our weekly bible studies for crew. We had a crew staff dinner at the Mcqueeney's house (Kelsey's house) It was nice to be able to hangout and relax as a group. I stayed around and played some basketball with Brodrick and Cole and then we headed up the mountain.

Day 13 June 4th

Thursday started off with some qt and then we had crew devotions. The morning was busy, as usual. In the afternoon we had about an hour long break so me and Hanley went on an adventure. Lord thank you for laughter that was sooo good for me. Thursday afternoon we had to set up because we had a trail run for banquet night. That was not the most fun thing ever.

I honestly struggle being lead by a Derek. I feel like he puts the kid gloves on to lead and treats every one line a child. Sorry I do not like being micro-managed, I am not a child. Also Jessie Ann was helping and sometimes working with her is a big struggle for me. It's just like she gets really picky about some stupid stupid stuff. Like these tables need to be perfectly aligned?!? What they are a half inch off NO ONE WILL NOTICE! LOL It is more than that but I just feel like she is indecisive so it is hard for her to lead because she changes her mind and it just grinds on me. Hopefully I don't have to help those two with banquet much. Also I enjoy stressful situations like banquet night, I think that stuff is fun because it is difficult and your pressing. But I feel like I stay calm during those situations because I realize hey this isn't the end of the world if we are off a little and it is easier to make decisions when you remain calm. But that is very much the opposite of how those two respond to those situations and actually I think Hanley is a lot of the same way where the task at hand can consume everything else and that is just tough for me.

Callie Elmore's dad spoke after dinner. (He is one of the top NAV donors) after he spoke we had a crew meeting and talked about camper bible studies and discussed questions. Honestly I'm very nervous about leading a bible study. I feel like I should be spending more time on them. I was going to work on them on Thursday but Hanley wanted to hangout so I didn't. Also the Lakers won game one of the finals. I'm so happy about that. Talk about answered prayer! Just Kidding.

Side note the weather has been amazing so far. It hasn't rained once and it has been pretty warm everyday.

Day 12 June 3rd

Wednesday was hard. We worked all morning and had a little bit of time to hangout before lunch. Lunch was sweet because it was all crew plus horse. Excursion was out on a trail and rez did a lunch hike. After lunch we went back to work and got off at four. The extra time was really nice. I was able to get some work done on bible study. After dinner excursions helped clean up. So we got out of the dinning hall early. We playved never have I ever and then got going on our meeting.

In the meeint we talked about the work schedule for a long time. After the meeting Hanley approached me and aksed what was wrong. I was frustrated because I've started to realize how much I hate that question. He persisted for a while but finally stopped. I didn't have a good answer to give. I think I just needed some time alone, I'm not used to spending every waking moment with people. I desire to process things. Sometimes I can't even help but try to because they will ben on my mind consuming my thoughts.

Anyways I went to the bathroom and Derek got on me for having a bad attitude. I didn't know how to respond, honestly I was pretty pissed. I tried to defend myself but I felt like he didn't really want to hear it. It's very frustrating because I feel like Derek is becoming quick to get on me and is really sensitive and I'm just like hey man this is life, this is me. Also we just talked about a very similar issue a few days ago. I ended up leaving and was in the dinning hall trying to pray through it/ process and about five minutes in Kelsey sat down next to me. We talked for like an hour. It was good to talk through it with someone. But I still have to deal with it. When I got back to the tent everyone was sleeping and ben woke u0p and was like"Where were you? We were all worried for you" Honestly, wow that didn't help. I just felt like getting up at our next meeting and saying "I don't know what the expectation for how I am supposed to act is but could someone please tell me so I can try to perform to that better" I just don't understand I'm not going to be one way 24/7 I have emotions, I go through challenges, things stress me out, I get tired, and I need to be alone sometimes.

Day 11 June 2nd Tuesday

Yesterday was a good day. We worked hard all morning. I got a break to teach some rez counselors kayaking. That was cool, I enjoyed the break and we had fun with it. Then I took a heavenly twenty five minute nap.

We got off work at three, so Hanley and I decided to have a one on one. We went up to the A-frame and just laid around in bed (I bored Collin's bed) We talked and took a nap. We talked about how camp was going and different things and then we talked about Kelsey and he gave me advice. His advice was interesting because he previously asked me why I wasn't dating her/ or told me I should and then when he was giving me advice he was just like well this summer at Eagle Lake is not a place/time to pursue her.

Then we had an all crew meeting after dinner and talked about our spiritual gifts (We had taken a survey previous to the meeting). Hanley let us out to go to sleep around nine. That was amazing! On the hike to our tents we ran into Kelsey. So I stopped and we talked for a little bit and we planned to meet at six the nextg morning. Unfortunetly she showed up and I was sitting talking with Derek (Mostly about her actually) So she left and we didn't get to met. God is this holding me back? Is it holding me back from growing closer to you? this staff? The kids when they come? I'm trying to give it to you but I don't know if I am. Show me what that looks like.

Thank you for bringing me here, thank you for this staff. please prepare our hearts for your love and to love these campers.

Day 10 June 1'st Monday

Yesterday was a very long day. I only slept for five hours. In the morning the three service guys worked with Sean (Facilities Director). That was good except we took a long time because we caught a lot of things that were wrong. We basically worked from breakfast to four. I helped serve dinner and noticed Kelsey had come back into the kitchen and was doing dishes before we even called seconds. So I ate very very quickly ;) and went back to work the three sink with her/hangout. Apparently she had a really tough day and almost started crying multiple times. That was hard because I just wanted to help and contribute to her feeling better. I tried to encourage and to keep things light. BRB (Devos) Before I worked at three sink with Kelsey I felt good about things. I felt like I had come to a point of just accepting to focus o0n our friendship and I was trying to get myself comfortable with expecting nothing to happen between us. When I experiences her really struggling I was there as a friend but I just had a lot of raw emotions I wanted to say "hey forget the dishes lets go take a walk" I didn't see her the rest of the night but we had a nice embrace before she left. Father lead me in a direction please. I do not want this to consume my thoughts this summer or my emotions. hmmm

Day 9 May 20th Sunday

Yesterday was another tough day. I really felt challenged. The morning was good me and Cole met in the morning. We talked and prayed together. Lord please bind our hearts together bring us closer to one another, I feel like you have placed Cole on my heart to be an encourager and challenger in his life this summer.

We had a time of worship after breakfast and then Jack mcqueeny (Katilyn, Kelsey, and Cole's father/ Also executive director of the Glen and Eagle Lake properties) Spoke. After brunch we had an "amazing race" Colorado Springs style, for all the counselors.

Kelsey, Chris, Kyle, and I were all on the same team. Which was an awesome group but stressful becasuse we were dominating to start and then Kelsey's camera wasn't working (It was deleting every like 8th photo back, which pretty much kills you in a photo scavenger hunt) so then we switched to mine and it broke. It was amazing/challenging to be around Kelsey that much (I drove and she navigated). I have a really hard time reading her and it made me feel like I was falling for her more and more. I really don't wan't to lose our friendship and that has made it a tough situation. But I feel like it is getting harder and harder to maintain. Thinking about her/our relationship is consuming to many of my thoughts. Lord give me peace and comfort me, allow me discernment in our relationship and please lead me father. I want you to bless this relationship if it is going to be anything more than friends.

We finished the race after like 3 hours (We were given like 4 1/2) So we went over to the Mcqueeny's house and hung out. Then we had an all staff picnic at a nearby park. We hung out at Agia Sophia for a little while (The gave all of the ELC staff a free drink) and I got to see Kira for like a minute. Then we headed back up the mountain.

Day 8 May 29th? Saturday

Yesterday was a tough :/ Jenny Dordal (Office Manager) Gave the speech for Devos and her talk was amazing. She talked about having to trust God is good and being patient. She discussed her personal battle of why she hasn't been married yet (She has been at eagle lake since she was 18 and she is 27?!?) Devos were followed by breakfast and group meetings. Which wasn't to bad because I skipped one and talked sports with Mark.

After that we had lunch then all the 1'st years had child protection and we worked. We cleaned bathrooms and organized the lower Infirmary (Crew Hangout). We had a 45 minute break before dinner so me and Derek decided to take a shower(Not a daily occurrence here and it was heavenly)

On the way there Derek confronted me with being different for the past two days. I was confused and was praying about it/trying to process during the shower. When we were done. I asked him to sit and discuss with me. We had a good conversation, I was able to share with him about how i was so thankful for his friendship and why I thought I was acting differently.

Father help yus move through this, bind our hearts together lord. So we can better serve you.

I also played basketball last night. It was good to get out and play basketball, we don't get to very often up here. Kelsey was on my team for two games. I am confused about our relationship or if you are leading me father/If you even do that. But it was really fun I think we were probably flirting which I'm not sure was good. I'm supposed to have a one on one with her younger brother Cole right now but he is late. Even weirder I just looked out the windeow and Kelsey was walking to the dinning hall....Divine intervention/leading?!?!?!? LOL That is two days in a row when I'm pouring my heart out to you father . Is this a sign?

Well Cole just got here...........

Day off update

I just wanted to write a quick message. I'm going to try and keep my blog updated throughout the summer. I have my day off from Sunday night at seven to Monday night at seven. So I will most likely be putting a lot of posts up every Monday and actually possibly a few up on Saturdays because I might have some time.

Also I currently believe only Andrea and Corey (Hey guys!) Are reading this/even know about it. But I'm basically copying straight from my journals and not editing (ok, occasionally I add a little bit more detail I didn't put in because of time or I was writing by hand)

I will also try to get some pictures up some time. That will give you some visual aids to put a face to a name.

Also I love comments. Comments are great (COREY!!!!) LOL.

Well that is all I have for now. Love and miss you both.

Phil

Day 7 Friday

Surprise Surprise another long day. The morning start off with a shower and devos. Then it was really exciting when Hanley showed up and we celevrated because katilyn said yes!!! The rest of the morning was spent in meetings. Then we had lunch (which was very good). After lunch we had another meeting and lynn brought a hockey stick and pucks(Rubber ones) So when it looked like people were falling asleep he would shoot one in their direction (He is old, and a little crazy) It was pretty insane.

After that we had team building activities, which sucked. I just generally do not like them. I went most of the time not talking. It was interesting because I don't think people were ready for me to be reserved, because since we have been here I have been pretty vocal and just stupid/silly. I don't know how it happened but I guess I've been the goofy one most of the time. Anyways last night we had a camp fire and I helped Hanley, Collin, and Derek build it.

Funny story Collin threw horse manure at Hanley so Hanley was wrestling him and yelling for one of us to bring him manure. I went and grabbed it and on the way Derek was like "Get Hanley" So I ran up and put the manure on Hanley's face. POOR CHOICE. He ended up pummeling me. I guess I still act like a younger brother sometimes :)

After the camp fire we had a crew meeting to hear the engagement story. Then we circled up and prayed for Kaitlyn and Hanley's engagement and marriage.

Hanley asked me why I wasn't/ told me I should date Kelsey. (Side note she literally just walked in and brought me a cup of French press coffee :)! To funny! Honestly I think Kelsey is amazing. Her younger brother even told me I should date/marry her. LOL But I just don't feel God is leading me that way and for us to be anything but good friends God has to lead and ordain it. Father please take away feelings that are not being lead by you. Please give me wisdom and discernment with that relationship. I really do not want to be distracted this summer. Lord serving you is my purpose this summer, lead me Father. Thank you for leading me here and providing father. It's time for breakfast. Bye!

Day 6 May 27th Thursday.

Yesterday was a extra long day.

I woke up around five to get some QT in. We had an all staff devo and Sean M. spoke. Then we had workers comp/Drivers safety. That was brutal and I failed the test. Then right after I got called upstairs by Mark and me, mark, Miranda, Derek, Hanely, and Rich all prayed together for Hanely.

We met because he was getting ready to head down the mountain to propose to Kaitlyn. it was honestly incredible being there. I was blown away. It was such an honor being there to pray for him. Thank you for binding us together Father.

I felt like I was shaking the whole time I just couldn't have imagined I would be called in there to be one of the people to be able to pray for him. I honestly cried a little and I really wish I had to because I felt like going and just crying out of joy. I know it was a crazy experience but I just felt overwhelmed and so blessed.

That is up there with one of the coolest experiences ever. What a great idea to have hands laid on you and to be prayed for by the people close to you. I hope I am smart enough to do that. It was amazing to hear his best friend Rich pray for him and just pour out his love for Hanley and intercede on his behalf. Words can not do it justice.

Honestly the rest of the day was kind of a daze, oh well.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Lord

Day 5 Wednesday

Yesterday was a long and busy day. Father thank you so much for this crew staff. I love these guys and gals. Thank you for answered prayer Father.

Yesterday we prayed as a crew staff for Derek's Leg. He hurt it when we hiked down to the Glen. It was Johanna's idea and she wanted us to pray for healing. It was a very interesting experience. I have a hard time with healing because I didn't grow up experiencing that kind of spiritual reality. Yes, I believe it is a reality but I have a hard time wondering how much I believe that prayers like that will come true.

God, I believe you answer prayer and I believe you can heal derek. Help my unbelief Father. "These signs will accompany those who believe... they will place their hands on sick people; and they will get well" Mark 16:17-18. I believe you will heal Derek soon. Please heal him Lord. The Rez staff showed up yesterday. That was exciting but it was hard not to have the nightly crew meeting. I really actually missed it. Hanley told me he was going to propose to Katilyn today!!! I feel like we have become really close. Thank you lord. I love that guy. Also I had coffee with Kelsey which was really good we talked for an hour I felt like I got to know her so much better. Give me energy Father.