Day 31 June 21st Monday

I slept in on Monday and it was wonderful. I waoke up naturally at 7:30, no alarm, no nothing. When I woke up me andHanley decided to play some video games, then we went and got breakfast. After breakfast I went and met with Ben N (Rez Director). It made me miss Mergens but we had a great talk. It was supposed to be about how he ended up at ELC but it turned into him asking me a lot of questions and me talking a lot.

We never even got to his story of being called to ELC. But we are going to met again so he can tell me it. It was really nice to met with him and just develop our relationship some more. After that Hanley and I went down to met Jack for lunch. We had a good time at lunch and then went back to the Mcqueeney's house. We played video games for pretty much the entire afternoon and then we ran some errands and I worked on some stuff,. THne shaunda made us an amazing steak, potatos, and corn on the cob dinner. After that we had to fly up the mountain to be on time,. I also beat Jack three times at PIG. Kelsey's parents are amazing. I can't even explain how great they are, I'm getting in pretty good with Jack, I still am waiting for Hot tub time though. At one point when Hanley and I were in the car I looked over and said "we could do this for the next forty plus years" and he goes "you don't know how f&^^ing good that sounds" LOL it was really funny.

Day 30 June 20th Sunday

Sunday morning was nice, I like having a late breakfast. Kyle, Chris, and I woke up early and went to take a shower (My first in six days). Which would've been amazing but I was sun burnt and I was taking a hot shower to open the pores. Then the three of us went to breakfast and hung out for the morning. It was really good to just hang out with those two guys all morning. We sat out on the balcony and had a blast. We talked about Kyle and my "situations". We might just have to make that a Sunday tradition.

That was followed by chapel and a long time navigator spoke about being called and following. I have started having thoughts about post college and what that will look like. I feel like it is very wide open and I am prepared to follow. I think I will give some serious thought to Edge Corp and BFA (Missionary Kid Boarding school).

Sunday continued with luggage runs, dinnerm and then tent bonding after dinner was amazing we had prepared for two weeks for this tent bonding. We had a highland games competition. We had kilts and sashs. We got all the guys together and changed and out on war paint.

Then we walked out to the area where we were going to play our games. It was a blast and the guys loved it. Afterwards it was my night off so I went with Hanley to the A-frame. I really enjoye4d sleeping in the A-frame because I just kicked it that night with the pc's and we told stories. I actually shared the story about everything that happened with Kira last summer, it was funny to see some of their reactions as well as being able to relate. I really enjoyed it I'm sure I will do it again.

Day 29 Saturday June 29th

DSaturday morning we had a nice late breakfast, after breakfast the campers left for Extended time alone with God (3 hours). I spent most of it cledaning and helping with tent bonding prep. But like the last half hour I was on the computer chillin and it was fantastic.

After ETWAG we hda a picnic lunch to kick off beach day. Beach day was incredible we played lots of volleyball and blob wars. Also it was sunny and hot.I had a great time interacting wiht the kids. I also got burned on my back realy bad. for dinner we made Hobo dinners and hung out by the fire. I had to go back early to clean up the kitchen so me and Collin went and ended up having a great conversation about him and Jenn and I talked about things with Kelsey. It was the first time we really hung out 1 on 1 overall a great day!

Day 28 Friday June 18th

Friday started with luggage runs then I helped with breakfast. On Friday I found out one of our counselors (Ben) Got denied insurance so he can't drive camp vehicles. So I got moved to working with a crew to deep clean the bathrooms on Fridays and that took till lunch.

After lunch we had debrief which went very well, there were very few things we had on the bad list. After debrief I played soccer with Alex (Bible study guy) for at least and hour. Excursions got back. Back to seeing Kelsey! Also I had to help Derek for like an hour to set up for our tent bonding (Highland games) which I did not want to do but he needed it and none of the other counselors stepped up. After dinner I was talking with Kelsey and she looked over and was like is that your whole bible study waiting for you? I had to be honest so I told he it was and that was the end of our conversation lol. (Thanks bible study guys!)

So for bible study me and my guys went to castle rock and climbed up on it for bible study. They all shared their testimonies which as good for our group. for bible study we went over Hebrews 12:1-13 we had a good bible study and then hiked back and went to bed.

Day 27 Thursday June 17th

On Thursday I had laundry duty. So after Devotions the two store crew girls and I filled the van with everyone's laundry and headeed down the mountain and stopped for some coffee on the way to the laundry mat.

Laundry turned out to be fun but a pretty intense experience. Bible study Thursday night was really good. We went through phil 2:1-18 and it lead to some very good discusion. I specifically remember Chris brought up struggling to have a fear of God V12 and that really resinated with me. We talked about how we are missrepresenting God if we do not focus on all of his characteristics but just focus on a few (Love/Grace) I feel like a lot of this view comes from so many "Christians" being an unch deep and getting converted but not discipled. Also the church might be to evangilistic in the sense of trying to be appealing to the none believer. I don't know if that is it or if we are just drwan to certain characteristics of God.

Anyways it was just a great bible study and challenged me to be aware of all Gods characteristics and trying to have an understanding of his whole character.

Day 26 June 16th

Wednesday was good I lead PM service as usual so during my free time in the Morning I played risk with some of the P.M. guys. We had a blast but we were never able to finish.

Wednesday night we had a prayer night for worship. it was a really good experience and sweet to share in that with the kids. I got to pray for all my bible study guys individually. lately it has been hard to wake up I feel like my discipline in getting up is slipping. I'm starting to snooze a lot.

Day 25 June 15th

Well I am a few days late in journaling about Tuesday but I had a one-on-one w/Nate which did not go very well. I wouldn't get him to go in depth about anything. I was a little disappointed afterwards but I just realized we might just have to go do some adventure type things for our one on ones. I lead the am crew on Tuesday as usual. Overall I think it went smoothly.

I also Had a chance on Tuesday to talk with Jenn for a while before our meeting. It was really good to have an actual conversation with her, she is super cool and I fell like we could be getting along a lot better but I was intentional early on not to really spend time with her along because collin has liked her for a while and I didn't want to start any drama or anything but I could see her becoming one of my really good friends. she is just very down to earth and real about things.

Day 24 Monday June 14th

I woke up a little later than normal on Monday but I wanted to try and keep my sleep schedule. I had a god quiet time and then spent the morning working on bible study, reading laker articles, watching the world cup, and catching up on all things internet. Hack came home around lunch time and asked me to go to lunch.

He even told me he called Hanley to get my number to get a hold of me if I wasn't at their house. I was sure "The conversation" was going to go down at lunch. I was even contemplating how I would answer gender roles question or talk about my walk. But lunch happened and Jack never asked me any hard questions or real personal questions. I was confused to say the least. possibly even slightly dissapointed after lunch we went back to their house and watched the end of a world cup game. I continued to wait for the questions or the out of the blue "so I hear you like my daughter"

But nothing, then we decided to play some horse in the driveway and still no questions. We had fun and jack won both games. A little while later I left for camp having answered no hard questions. I stopped at a BBQ place and my phone rang it was Jack, I thought ok here we go, but he just made fun of me for losing in horse. Overall it was a good day off and I was able to catch up with a few people.

Day 23 Sunday June 13

Sunday morning was pretty typical. I met with Cole in the morning and when we had finished he asked me if I liked Kelsey. That was awkward but I didn't want to lie to him so I told him the truth. I feel like a lot of people know now.

The speaker at chapel was a long time navigator and his message was about walking with God and how he wanted his life to be defined by that. It was very encouraging talk that was so big picture focused. How much more desirable is it to have your life defined by your relationship with Christ than by anything else?

The rest of the day was pretty typical I left at eight for my day off and headed down to the mcqueeney's house. I was nervous heading down because I was pretty sure Jack was wanting to have a talk with me. I was thinking about it the whole way down. I was nervous but I really wanted to feel freedom in Gods will. We ended up not talking Sunday night besides a little sports.

Day 22 June 12th

U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A!!!!!!

I was planning on spending the night at the Mcqueeney's but I was late to leave Friday and decided to just get up early and go down. I had plans to make breakfast for everyone with Kelsey. Turns out excitment got the best of me and I went down way to early and Kelsey was still sleeping and we texted a bit and I just decided to go ahead and go to Denver. So I grabbed some coffee at Starbucks and hit the road.

I drove to Denver sulking in disappointment, it was not a very fun drive and it was raining and I had no directions. On the way there Kelsey texted me and said her dad was making waffles and asked where I was..... I seriously almost turned the car around and drove back 45 minutes. When I got into Denver I found a Panera and chilled on the internet for a while until Mergens was ready for me to come over. Then I went over to Mergens and talked with him and his wife, which was a lot of fun and we talked about Kelsey and she gave me some good advice (Conflicting from other advice but good) and then we went down town to meet up with Fejlstad to watch the USA vs England game.

Yes, they all drank beer while I drank like 6 Cokes to drown my pain in sugar. The game was a lot of fun and It was sweet that the USA tied England. After the game everyone had plans so I just hit the road back to the Springs and tried to get ahold of Kelsey and Cole but neither responded to my texts. I found out later that Jack was bummed I didn't hang out at Kelsey's because he thought I said we were going to watch the game together. I think Jack likes me and that is Huge.

Camp Life

Wow how camp life is flying by. This Friday our crew campers go home..... That is crazy it seems like they just got here and it has almost been five weeks. I had my day off today, that was needed. But I wasn't very productive in it. My bucket list for the last two weeks of camp is struggling. But when we got back I got to meet up with Mark and we talked for like two hours. It was amazing. He shared some seriously deep stuff with me that I would not have expected for him to share. It was pretty crazy.

It was so cool to be able to meet with Mark, I feel like I have really started to get to know him and we have gotten a lot closer. I felt so honored that he shared so much with me. It was just amazing to hear him say how much he wanted to meet with me and how he really enjoyed it. I got to talk to him a bit about Kelsey and about the Contract (Tommy's wedding) I felt very encouraged and challenged about Tommy's wedding.

I have fallen so far behind on journals and on updating them to the blog. That is on my two week bucket list actually. So after me and Mark talked tonight I felt very in need of some time in prayer and in the word. Also I have been taking care of some other things since then. It is now 12:40 and I am exhausted but I have really enjoyed the time I have spent up. I really hope God comes through in answering my prayer for more energy for these last fews days of first session.

I got a chance to send my family a very long email giving them an update on camp. That was so good to get done. I'm sure they will appreciate it. Tonight when me and Mark talked I was so encouraged, and really saw a lot of the blessing God has poured on me this summer. Wow thank you Lord, I feel so undeserving.

I have been having a problem of keeping my flashlight with me so tonight I had to grab one out of lost and found so I can use it to get back to my tent. Anyways I'm pretty sure this is the flashlight of some 10 year old girl camper here at camp. LOL

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with Kelsey and I'm praying that she will offer for me to go with her this weekend to the wedding she is in because I would totally go. I really hope she asks me/ I'm going to kind of invite myself. But I'm hopeful I will get a chance to talk to her soon. Lord I'm stepping out in faith and I feel like I'm being obedient in that. We shall see.

I've been spending a lot of time this summer praying for a mentor when I go back to school and for opportunities to be a light and share my faith with guys in my Fraternity. I feel like maybe all this time I've spent in the Fraternity could pay off after all.

Well I'm exhausted so I have to go get some sleep. 4 hours yay! lol

Ask and you shall......

We all know the saying "Ask and you shall receive". Well a common thread I run into at camp is "pray for big things", or "God is going to do big things, don't be afraid to ask". I have always struggled with this idea of asking God for "big" things or the saying God is going to do "big things this summer". Isn't God always doing big things? and what is different about this summer than last? I think I struggle to believe that God is going to work more intensely this summer than last, or that our prayers and our desires will change how much God works here.

John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.

I think I usually just chalk un-answered(Or an answer of no) up to me not remaining in God or not being in understanding of his will.

I'm currently working on claiming some of God's promises and growing in those promises.

The bible seems clear that if we ask we shall receive. Mark 11:24, Psalm 37:4, Matt 21:22, John 14:13, john 15:16, and John 16:23-24.

John 16:23-24 is especially confusing to me. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.24. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

I can deal with that but then 25. Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. 26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.

What does that mean?

I think another reason I struggle with this idea of asking for "BIG" things is because I feel jaded by "Christian" Culture and having people talk this ish my whole life and just thinking is this just something you say because your at church or because God came up in conversation?

I probably just sound like a fool to anyone reading this right now......

Maybe part of my situation is that there is a deeper fear that I will reach out in faith and God won't answer, not because he can't but because he will choose not to and that it would somehow negatively affect how I view my relationship with God. Almost like if he doesn't answer then I will just think "well clearly I'm not in line with God's will, or God apparently isn't to concerned with the work I'm trying to do right now". I don't know if that makes sense. This is straight out of my brain to the page and I'm pretty sure I forgot the filter this morning. Well Derek just showed up. We were supposed to meet this morning and he is about an hour late. LOL

I guess my question is just "what do you think about BIG prayers", Or that idea that if we are within God's will he will grant us the things we ask for"?

Day 21 Friday

It was an early morning on Friday. We have to do luggage runs on friday mornings. So we did those for a while and then at 7 had quiet time but I ended up helping with breakfast and the kitchen. Then crew had breakfast. After breakfast we went down to the parking lot, me and Collin were in charge of parking cars. That was actually pretty boring. After that I went and worked like crazy at three sink till lunch. We had a crew counselor debrief after lunch. It was so nice to spend some time together as a crew staff and it was helpful to hear things that had been happening that week. I felt like I got a much better understanding of some kids because of our discussion. After that we had time to chill with kids till dinner.

During free time one camper (David) hurt his knee playing dodgeball (turns out it was a bone bruise) But that was a cool opportunity to have the other campers circle up and pray for him. Thne later kyle, Chris, and me were waiting with him and we prayed for him.

We had a very nice staff dinner on Friday. Kelsey and I talked a lot before and after dinner. One time when we were talking Mark(Camp director) looked over and gave us a funny look. Essentially it was the "you two are flirting" look. That was interesting. Then I said something to him about it later and he said "hey there are worse things, and then he said I like it". LOL ridiculous.

It is getting harder and harder to repress my feelings. I'm feeling more and more strongly. I think this could be serious. I just feel like I'm not a boy anymore and I'm even more prepared to leave behind things that need to be left behind. It is very weird for me because I've started to realize that I really didn't believe God had someone for me. i mean I always thought I would get married but I think I believed it wouldn't be for a long time. I think part of that is because of past relationships as well as not really meeting anyone over four years of college. I don't think that really explained it but maybe it did. Friday night after dinner I had bible study. I'm leading a group of four guys. I was very nervous about leading a bible study but it went so well. I felt like I connected with the guys. We had smores and sat around a fire. I'm so excited to meet individually with these guys.

Day 20! June 10th

Thursday was a good day. It was basically a day off. I had laundry duty but we don't do laundry the first week, so I asked Hanley if he would like me to do anything and he had nothing for me to do. After breakfast Hanley, Chris, Kyle, and I went out to the man cave to work (Chris and Kyle and the day off).

We worked for like two hours then had lunch. After lunch we hung around and helped out with some stuff then we went on the crew camper horse ride. The ride was a lot of fun Chris, Hanley, and I stayed in the back so we would slow down some times and then gallop to catch up. When the ride was over Alex (The horse director) took the three of us out for another short ride and we went flying. It was amazing we galloped a lot. The only down side is I am really sore from yesterday. Kelsey got back yesterday. I'm hoping to get some time with her this weekend (I have off from Friday at ten to Saturday at seven) But I'm also planning on going to Denver to watch the world cup with Fjelstad and Mergens.

Day 19 June 9

Well journaling every day with an agenda of documenting the day before is not as insightful as I thought it would be. I feel like it is pretty dry on emotion. So today I was sitting on a couch in the lower I and was fighting off sleep so I decided to grab a cup of coffee and journal. I am a counselor for PM service crew today. So after breakfast we had devos ad then free time from 8-11:30.

I just got done talking with Hanley, we talked about potentially switching the counselors to being am, pm, or utility for a week at a time. I would love to go to AM permanently (Which we also talked about) So hopefully that happens. I am currently the role of utility (AKA I switch every day).

Well i have been at camp for 18 days now. I can't decide if that seems like a long time or short time. Kids have been here for three days, I feel like we are getting into a groove. We have terrible coffee here, I'm thinking about it right now because I'm sipping on it :/ The lower I is so much better now than when I was on crew. They have shelves and more couches than we had. Also they have slightly less crappy coffee. The kids have been good, my works crews have been awesome There are a few kids that are just punks. I have a guy in my tent who has a comment about everything and won't shut up at night. Him and another kid are already getting on each others nerves.

Day 18 June 8th

Tuesday was my first day of actually working with the kids. I was pretty nervous going in. It didn't help that Derek had said he had a lot of trouble with the am group the day before. But it turned out to be awesome. Most of the hiccups we had were my fault, but even those didn't slow us down and we got done way early in the morning we even got a bunch of the once a week jobs done. They all talked about how it was so much better than Monday, that felt good to hear. During our debrief I praised them but also tried to challenge them to reach for excellence.

It was also really cool because I got a chance to talk to peter about really accepting criticism and changing with it. because he was so helpful for me and Derek said he had been fighting them on a lot of things (Peter is a third year crew camper) so that was a sweet opportunity to really encourage. Other then that yesterday was good and I had fours hours of free time that I just hung out at the lower I for. Then our activity last night was Zots which was way fun. On the way to the cabins me and Derek had a good talk, we have not had much time around each other since kids came so that was good.

Day 17 Monday

This morning I'm sharing a table with Kelsey as we both journal/devo/share coffee(she didn't make any and Derek gave me a cup. French press of course) And occasionally talk. Today is my day off but I won't have much of a day off. I'm going to try and get at least an hour of bible study in I'm also going to meet with Mark to talk about baptism so I should probably study it a little today.

Yesterday was my day off. But because it is the first week we have to stay at camp. So i got up early had some QT, went to breakfast and tghen decided to go back to bed. When i woke up two hours later. I went to the dinning hall and wotked on updating my blog. then i went to lunch and after lunch me and Hanley hungoug. We went and worked on the man cave, hung out in the A-Frame and then went back to work on the man cave. We hung out for like five hours and it was really good.

Well I need to get some time in the word.

Day 16 June 6th (I know my dates were off, but this is right)

Yesterday was the first day of camp. We started the morning with shaunda and jack talking aobut bible study. Then we met with our bible studies. After that we followed tradition and had chapel out at the point. They have the first chapel every summer at the point. I got torched by the sun. amazing what a few thousand feet closer to the sun will do to you. After chapel we got commissioned, then had brunch. (Kira was here, Rez counselor last summer). It was really good to see her.

At 1:00 the gates opened and kids flooded in. Camp will never be the same. As much as we want them it is hard to adjust from two weeks of staff training. God, I am really nervous, nervous I won't like these kids, nervous i will feel myself pulling away. Give me a lens to see them with even a speck of the love you have for them. Father, show me three guys to request for my bible study. The rest of Sunday was taken up by luggage, moving in to the tents, games, dinner, cleanup, and a meeting.

Day 15 June 6th

Saturday was my official two week mark of waking up at camp. Wow that is weird. What I love about being up here is the feel of such reliance on God and just how obvious it is that life is so much more joyful and deep when you are committed to walking hand in hand with God and serving him. I wouldn't trade these life experiences and relationships for any amount of money or prestigious internship (Thank you Father for providing me with an internship) Saturday was a work day.

Andrew Brown shared a great message about stopping and the sabbath. Then we worked..... lol.

(interesting strategy Eagle Lake). I lead a group of counselors of which Cole, Kelsey, and Broderick were part. At times it was tough keeping the four guys on task but we got a lot of work done. I worked closely with Kelsey for most of the day, that was good and also tough. It is just difficult for me to keep my feelings of that of a friend as well as keeping myself from hoping for more than that. I know the obstacles would be numerous but that doesn't concern me. I ate dinner with Hanley, katilyn, and Kelsey. We had a blast, so much joking and laughing I didn't' even really help clean after dinner we just kept hanging out. one of the staff from the glen spoke after dinner about the relational covenant. then we had a short crew meeting to gather and pray for kids.

Thank you for the heart of this crew staff Father we were/are so excited for kids. Please continue to bless our relationships and bind our hearts together lord. Give me extra love for these kids/ We spent some time after our meeting planning our tent bonding. The dudes are going to have a highland game competition at some point. We are planning on buying fabric for kilts (?).

Then we hit the hay for a good night rest. Eight hours for the first time in a while.

Day off 6/12

I'm sitting down at a coffee shop (Agia Sophia a.k.a Eagle Lake staff hang out) and I'm drinking down my third cup of coffee on the day (At my third coffee shop?!?!?=ELC day off) I honestly feel funny but I'm cheap and I don't want to by a smoothie and I feel bad not buying anything, I also do not like to waste so I'm drinking it....... ah I know it truly is one of those "Oh, Phil" moments (lol Andrea)

Anyways I w as excited to check up on Corey's blog and see the new content.... Too bad there was only one new post. (Come on Corey!) But his post caused me to start thinking, because his questions was "how would you determine the success of a ministry?" I quickly realized I did not have a good answer and that started to get the wheels (in my head) turning.

How would I determine a successful ministry? I know it isn't numbers driven, I have been far to effected by number challenged ministries (*cough*klife*cough) to believe it is numbers. I have also experienced "Monster ministry" that had large numbers of kids stroll through and hear the right answers and allow nothing to sink in or be applied. I am processing as I type so please forgive me if I give the "Wrong" answer. I think a ministries success is determined by a. Being a vehicle for gospel truth. It is our task to spread the seed, we do not determine the amount of growth that follows or when that growth follows. B. Walking with Christ in the mundane of ministry (I was forever changed when I had a conversation with a close friend last summer *cough*Andrea*cough* and she talked about how it is so easy to miss being obedient in the mundane, then months later I was challenged by Hanley in a conversation about the contract that it is the small concessions that we make during our walk that steers our course) C. The heart condition or affect the ministry has had on the ministry leader(s), If a and b are happening then positive changes in C seem only logical to be happening.

Please keep in mind I had never lead a ministry and this is my knee jerk reaction to the question.

Anyways I wanted to post more. But Doyle called and I needed to talk to him and now I have to pack up and head up the mountain but updates to come soon.

Day 14 June 5th

Friday morning we had crew devos and then Ben N spoke for all staff devos. After that we were free to leave the mountain. I hung around for about an hour waiting on my ride. During that time I shared my testimony with Kyle. That was good, I feel like it brought us closer.

Then Julie, Kyle, Chris, and I drove down the mountain. We dropped Julie off and then we did our laundry at a pretty famous spot for ELC staff. After that I introduced the guys to Lu'au's taco shop. It is my favorite place to eat in the springs. I also tried to make a lot of phone calls to friends (mostly unsuccessful) but I got to talk to some people for a little bit like Andrea and mergens. I miss those people. I can't imagine what crew would bee like if Kira, Duran, Andrea, and Caleb were on it or even one of them.

It would also be amazing to have mergens around to continue that relationship. I love hanley but E-ROCK had this way of listening and responding that was so inviting I felt like I could be completely vulnerable with that guy. After lunch we went to Agia Sophia (AKA ELC staff hangout in the springs) Seriously that place was crwaling with ELC staff. I caught up on NBA stuff. I think I read 8 articles about game one of the finals. Then I spent a few hours working on our weekly bible studies for crew. We had a crew staff dinner at the Mcqueeney's house (Kelsey's house) It was nice to be able to hangout and relax as a group. I stayed around and played some basketball with Brodrick and Cole and then we headed up the mountain.

Day 13 June 4th

Thursday started off with some qt and then we had crew devotions. The morning was busy, as usual. In the afternoon we had about an hour long break so me and Hanley went on an adventure. Lord thank you for laughter that was sooo good for me. Thursday afternoon we had to set up because we had a trail run for banquet night. That was not the most fun thing ever.

I honestly struggle being lead by a Derek. I feel like he puts the kid gloves on to lead and treats every one line a child. Sorry I do not like being micro-managed, I am not a child. Also Jessie Ann was helping and sometimes working with her is a big struggle for me. It's just like she gets really picky about some stupid stupid stuff. Like these tables need to be perfectly aligned?!? What they are a half inch off NO ONE WILL NOTICE! LOL It is more than that but I just feel like she is indecisive so it is hard for her to lead because she changes her mind and it just grinds on me. Hopefully I don't have to help those two with banquet much. Also I enjoy stressful situations like banquet night, I think that stuff is fun because it is difficult and your pressing. But I feel like I stay calm during those situations because I realize hey this isn't the end of the world if we are off a little and it is easier to make decisions when you remain calm. But that is very much the opposite of how those two respond to those situations and actually I think Hanley is a lot of the same way where the task at hand can consume everything else and that is just tough for me.

Callie Elmore's dad spoke after dinner. (He is one of the top NAV donors) after he spoke we had a crew meeting and talked about camper bible studies and discussed questions. Honestly I'm very nervous about leading a bible study. I feel like I should be spending more time on them. I was going to work on them on Thursday but Hanley wanted to hangout so I didn't. Also the Lakers won game one of the finals. I'm so happy about that. Talk about answered prayer! Just Kidding.

Side note the weather has been amazing so far. It hasn't rained once and it has been pretty warm everyday.

Day 12 June 3rd

Wednesday was hard. We worked all morning and had a little bit of time to hangout before lunch. Lunch was sweet because it was all crew plus horse. Excursion was out on a trail and rez did a lunch hike. After lunch we went back to work and got off at four. The extra time was really nice. I was able to get some work done on bible study. After dinner excursions helped clean up. So we got out of the dinning hall early. We playved never have I ever and then got going on our meeting.

In the meeint we talked about the work schedule for a long time. After the meeting Hanley approached me and aksed what was wrong. I was frustrated because I've started to realize how much I hate that question. He persisted for a while but finally stopped. I didn't have a good answer to give. I think I just needed some time alone, I'm not used to spending every waking moment with people. I desire to process things. Sometimes I can't even help but try to because they will ben on my mind consuming my thoughts.

Anyways I went to the bathroom and Derek got on me for having a bad attitude. I didn't know how to respond, honestly I was pretty pissed. I tried to defend myself but I felt like he didn't really want to hear it. It's very frustrating because I feel like Derek is becoming quick to get on me and is really sensitive and I'm just like hey man this is life, this is me. Also we just talked about a very similar issue a few days ago. I ended up leaving and was in the dinning hall trying to pray through it/ process and about five minutes in Kelsey sat down next to me. We talked for like an hour. It was good to talk through it with someone. But I still have to deal with it. When I got back to the tent everyone was sleeping and ben woke u0p and was like"Where were you? We were all worried for you" Honestly, wow that didn't help. I just felt like getting up at our next meeting and saying "I don't know what the expectation for how I am supposed to act is but could someone please tell me so I can try to perform to that better" I just don't understand I'm not going to be one way 24/7 I have emotions, I go through challenges, things stress me out, I get tired, and I need to be alone sometimes.

Day 11 June 2nd Tuesday

Yesterday was a good day. We worked hard all morning. I got a break to teach some rez counselors kayaking. That was cool, I enjoyed the break and we had fun with it. Then I took a heavenly twenty five minute nap.

We got off work at three, so Hanley and I decided to have a one on one. We went up to the A-frame and just laid around in bed (I bored Collin's bed) We talked and took a nap. We talked about how camp was going and different things and then we talked about Kelsey and he gave me advice. His advice was interesting because he previously asked me why I wasn't dating her/ or told me I should and then when he was giving me advice he was just like well this summer at Eagle Lake is not a place/time to pursue her.

Then we had an all crew meeting after dinner and talked about our spiritual gifts (We had taken a survey previous to the meeting). Hanley let us out to go to sleep around nine. That was amazing! On the hike to our tents we ran into Kelsey. So I stopped and we talked for a little bit and we planned to meet at six the nextg morning. Unfortunetly she showed up and I was sitting talking with Derek (Mostly about her actually) So she left and we didn't get to met. God is this holding me back? Is it holding me back from growing closer to you? this staff? The kids when they come? I'm trying to give it to you but I don't know if I am. Show me what that looks like.

Thank you for bringing me here, thank you for this staff. please prepare our hearts for your love and to love these campers.

Day 10 June 1'st Monday

Yesterday was a very long day. I only slept for five hours. In the morning the three service guys worked with Sean (Facilities Director). That was good except we took a long time because we caught a lot of things that were wrong. We basically worked from breakfast to four. I helped serve dinner and noticed Kelsey had come back into the kitchen and was doing dishes before we even called seconds. So I ate very very quickly ;) and went back to work the three sink with her/hangout. Apparently she had a really tough day and almost started crying multiple times. That was hard because I just wanted to help and contribute to her feeling better. I tried to encourage and to keep things light. BRB (Devos) Before I worked at three sink with Kelsey I felt good about things. I felt like I had come to a point of just accepting to focus o0n our friendship and I was trying to get myself comfortable with expecting nothing to happen between us. When I experiences her really struggling I was there as a friend but I just had a lot of raw emotions I wanted to say "hey forget the dishes lets go take a walk" I didn't see her the rest of the night but we had a nice embrace before she left. Father lead me in a direction please. I do not want this to consume my thoughts this summer or my emotions. hmmm

Day 9 May 20th Sunday

Yesterday was another tough day. I really felt challenged. The morning was good me and Cole met in the morning. We talked and prayed together. Lord please bind our hearts together bring us closer to one another, I feel like you have placed Cole on my heart to be an encourager and challenger in his life this summer.

We had a time of worship after breakfast and then Jack mcqueeny (Katilyn, Kelsey, and Cole's father/ Also executive director of the Glen and Eagle Lake properties) Spoke. After brunch we had an "amazing race" Colorado Springs style, for all the counselors.

Kelsey, Chris, Kyle, and I were all on the same team. Which was an awesome group but stressful becasuse we were dominating to start and then Kelsey's camera wasn't working (It was deleting every like 8th photo back, which pretty much kills you in a photo scavenger hunt) so then we switched to mine and it broke. It was amazing/challenging to be around Kelsey that much (I drove and she navigated). I have a really hard time reading her and it made me feel like I was falling for her more and more. I really don't wan't to lose our friendship and that has made it a tough situation. But I feel like it is getting harder and harder to maintain. Thinking about her/our relationship is consuming to many of my thoughts. Lord give me peace and comfort me, allow me discernment in our relationship and please lead me father. I want you to bless this relationship if it is going to be anything more than friends.

We finished the race after like 3 hours (We were given like 4 1/2) So we went over to the Mcqueeny's house and hung out. Then we had an all staff picnic at a nearby park. We hung out at Agia Sophia for a little while (The gave all of the ELC staff a free drink) and I got to see Kira for like a minute. Then we headed back up the mountain.

Day 8 May 29th? Saturday

Yesterday was a tough :/ Jenny Dordal (Office Manager) Gave the speech for Devos and her talk was amazing. She talked about having to trust God is good and being patient. She discussed her personal battle of why she hasn't been married yet (She has been at eagle lake since she was 18 and she is 27?!?) Devos were followed by breakfast and group meetings. Which wasn't to bad because I skipped one and talked sports with Mark.

After that we had lunch then all the 1'st years had child protection and we worked. We cleaned bathrooms and organized the lower Infirmary (Crew Hangout). We had a 45 minute break before dinner so me and Derek decided to take a shower(Not a daily occurrence here and it was heavenly)

On the way there Derek confronted me with being different for the past two days. I was confused and was praying about it/trying to process during the shower. When we were done. I asked him to sit and discuss with me. We had a good conversation, I was able to share with him about how i was so thankful for his friendship and why I thought I was acting differently.

Father help yus move through this, bind our hearts together lord. So we can better serve you.

I also played basketball last night. It was good to get out and play basketball, we don't get to very often up here. Kelsey was on my team for two games. I am confused about our relationship or if you are leading me father/If you even do that. But it was really fun I think we were probably flirting which I'm not sure was good. I'm supposed to have a one on one with her younger brother Cole right now but he is late. Even weirder I just looked out the windeow and Kelsey was walking to the dinning hall....Divine intervention/leading?!?!?!? LOL That is two days in a row when I'm pouring my heart out to you father . Is this a sign?

Well Cole just got here...........

Day off update

I just wanted to write a quick message. I'm going to try and keep my blog updated throughout the summer. I have my day off from Sunday night at seven to Monday night at seven. So I will most likely be putting a lot of posts up every Monday and actually possibly a few up on Saturdays because I might have some time.

Also I currently believe only Andrea and Corey (Hey guys!) Are reading this/even know about it. But I'm basically copying straight from my journals and not editing (ok, occasionally I add a little bit more detail I didn't put in because of time or I was writing by hand)

I will also try to get some pictures up some time. That will give you some visual aids to put a face to a name.

Also I love comments. Comments are great (COREY!!!!) LOL.

Well that is all I have for now. Love and miss you both.

Phil

Day 7 Friday

Surprise Surprise another long day. The morning start off with a shower and devos. Then it was really exciting when Hanley showed up and we celevrated because katilyn said yes!!! The rest of the morning was spent in meetings. Then we had lunch (which was very good). After lunch we had another meeting and lynn brought a hockey stick and pucks(Rubber ones) So when it looked like people were falling asleep he would shoot one in their direction (He is old, and a little crazy) It was pretty insane.

After that we had team building activities, which sucked. I just generally do not like them. I went most of the time not talking. It was interesting because I don't think people were ready for me to be reserved, because since we have been here I have been pretty vocal and just stupid/silly. I don't know how it happened but I guess I've been the goofy one most of the time. Anyways last night we had a camp fire and I helped Hanley, Collin, and Derek build it.

Funny story Collin threw horse manure at Hanley so Hanley was wrestling him and yelling for one of us to bring him manure. I went and grabbed it and on the way Derek was like "Get Hanley" So I ran up and put the manure on Hanley's face. POOR CHOICE. He ended up pummeling me. I guess I still act like a younger brother sometimes :)

After the camp fire we had a crew meeting to hear the engagement story. Then we circled up and prayed for Kaitlyn and Hanley's engagement and marriage.

Hanley asked me why I wasn't/ told me I should date Kelsey. (Side note she literally just walked in and brought me a cup of French press coffee :)! To funny! Honestly I think Kelsey is amazing. Her younger brother even told me I should date/marry her. LOL But I just don't feel God is leading me that way and for us to be anything but good friends God has to lead and ordain it. Father please take away feelings that are not being lead by you. Please give me wisdom and discernment with that relationship. I really do not want to be distracted this summer. Lord serving you is my purpose this summer, lead me Father. Thank you for leading me here and providing father. It's time for breakfast. Bye!

Day 6 May 27th Thursday.

Yesterday was a extra long day.

I woke up around five to get some QT in. We had an all staff devo and Sean M. spoke. Then we had workers comp/Drivers safety. That was brutal and I failed the test. Then right after I got called upstairs by Mark and me, mark, Miranda, Derek, Hanely, and Rich all prayed together for Hanely.

We met because he was getting ready to head down the mountain to propose to Kaitlyn. it was honestly incredible being there. I was blown away. It was such an honor being there to pray for him. Thank you for binding us together Father.

I felt like I was shaking the whole time I just couldn't have imagined I would be called in there to be one of the people to be able to pray for him. I honestly cried a little and I really wish I had to because I felt like going and just crying out of joy. I know it was a crazy experience but I just felt overwhelmed and so blessed.

That is up there with one of the coolest experiences ever. What a great idea to have hands laid on you and to be prayed for by the people close to you. I hope I am smart enough to do that. It was amazing to hear his best friend Rich pray for him and just pour out his love for Hanley and intercede on his behalf. Words can not do it justice.

Honestly the rest of the day was kind of a daze, oh well.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Lord

Day 5 Wednesday

Yesterday was a long and busy day. Father thank you so much for this crew staff. I love these guys and gals. Thank you for answered prayer Father.

Yesterday we prayed as a crew staff for Derek's Leg. He hurt it when we hiked down to the Glen. It was Johanna's idea and she wanted us to pray for healing. It was a very interesting experience. I have a hard time with healing because I didn't grow up experiencing that kind of spiritual reality. Yes, I believe it is a reality but I have a hard time wondering how much I believe that prayers like that will come true.

God, I believe you answer prayer and I believe you can heal derek. Help my unbelief Father. "These signs will accompany those who believe... they will place their hands on sick people; and they will get well" Mark 16:17-18. I believe you will heal Derek soon. Please heal him Lord. The Rez staff showed up yesterday. That was exciting but it was hard not to have the nightly crew meeting. I really actually missed it. Hanley told me he was going to propose to Katilyn today!!! I feel like we have become really close. Thank you lord. I love that guy. Also I had coffee with Kelsey which was really good we talked for an hour I felt like I got to know her so much better. Give me energy Father.

Day 4 May 24th

Well new record, I woke up at five this morning. AH! Yesterday was good we prayed through a few psalms and I really noticed how much they talked about scripture. I need to dig into the word this summer.

Yesterday was filled with laughter. God, thank you for this staff. Thank you for blessing me and Hanely's relationship I have enjoyed him so much. Also thank you for Derek! He cracks me up and I feel liek we have really started to bond. Yesterday we cleaned the bathrooms and cleaned the store. We had two really good breaks yesterday.

I had a one on one with Hanely and it was amazing. The spirit definitely orchestrated our meeting. Father, give me strength this summer. I have been operating on less sleep but I believe you will be my rock and energize me. "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

Journal Day 3 May 23

Yesterday was good and extremely long. I woke up early to get in the word and to journal. Then we cleaned bathrooms and worked until lunch. Then We kept working aned worked on the trail to the cross.

I had a great time working with Derek and Ben. Father Thank you for bringing Derek Back I was hesitant but we have hit it off! Funny side note the three of us probably spent forty-five minutes pushing over dead trees on the mountain! I felt like I was six again. We had a blast lots of laughs.

Thank you for this staff they are all wonderful and I know you love them so much. Thank you for leading me here father. After dinner we cleaned then met in the lower i ( crew hangout) to play games. I got worked in shuffle but. then we discussed expectations for the summer, each other, ourselves, the leadership, and the campers. Now I'm at Devotions, So I have to go!

Journal Day 2 May 22

It is now the morning of day three but I am going to recap day two. Yesterday we had breakfast and then split up our crews. I worked with the three other service guys and collin lead us through a lot of stuff.

(The Crew staff includes Hanley: Crew Director, Katilyn Crew PC(Counselors coach/Hanely's Fiancé), Collin PC, Service guys Me, Derek, and Ben, Outdoor: Kyle, Kitchen: Joanna and Whitney. Horse: Chris and Julie. Store: Jessie ann. Office: Rachael and Jen.)

We worked straight till lunch. Working with the guys was awesome. A few times I had to check my attitude. I got the feeling like all this work is hopeless, we are going to do it again and again. I am really trying to be committed excellence and owning the position entrusted to me of being a steward of this property.

After lunch we continued work, we had some breaks before dinner so we enjoyed some tea time. LOL! thank you for the little things father. After dinner we showered. O Baby that was beautiful. we hadn't showered since being at camp. Then we met in the lower I to play some games. I was Hanely's partner one round and we had a blast. Thank you for developing that relationship!

After games we talked about discipleship and servant hood. The conversations were encouraging. I just feel so lucky and blessed I was silly to doubt. God will provide this summer he already has so much. I think this staff is just going to be amazing. Well its time for Devo's 6:15 ha ha I woke up at 5:30 AM. INSANE!

Camp Journal Day 1

So I'm at Eagle Lake Camp and I have been journaling every day to help myself remember my experiences/work through tough things/be more understanding of my prayers/see where God has taken me from.

I have been in the pattern of writing about the previous day in the morning whens I wake up to have my daily quite time.

Day 1: It has almost been a year since my last journal (Same book I had last summer). I arrived at ELC last night. Father I'm so thankful for the people you have placed as crew counselors. I can tell I'm going to love these people. We are just getting ready to eat breakfast then we are hiking down to the glen. I'm so excited! Last night we went to dinner together as a crew staff adn it was incredible. It had not really sunk in that I was going back to camp and I had not been excited yet. But dinner was soo good! At some point during dinner it was like all of the excitement and affirmation hit me. It was a wonderful moment. We had a great time! "God, I am so pumped"

Support letters/ADD/Bitterness

These are a few of the things I pulled out of my bucket of the fifty or so thoughts I had to write about. Maybe that is because I started the day with 4 cups of coffee......

Also I'm listening to the new The National album right now. It is incredible. So a big thanks to NPR for streaming it. And I thought the government never did anything right.

So today I'm supposed to be working on putting together a support letter for the summer. I really don't want to write a support letter or to mail it out. I didn't do it last summer and I planned on not doing it this summer but my mom kept bothering me and I felt really bad. Eventually I have just decided it is better for me to honor her and to make her happy than to hold to my reasoning for not.

Which my reason for not writing a support letter is because I feel like if you want to make a commitment to be a servant and you don't have other people you are responsible for you shouldn't be asking for handouts because "your doing something good". I just felt like "hey, I can afford this, yeah I will have to make some sacrifices but that was a big part of it right?" To sacrifice time and money to serve the Lord. Honestly one of my biggest pet pevs is high school students raising thousands of dollars to go overseas to spend 10 days site seeing and working for 2 days. I just think it might as well say "Support me so I can go have a life changing experience/ give me X thousand dollars so I can be changed"

I didn't do this so I could go have fun for a summer or push of responsibility and I know part of the reason was for me to be changed. I chose to come back to Eagle Lake because I felt like God lead me there and opened lots of doors for me to be there. I wanted to respect that and follow God's lead. I don't desire to be rich, I desire to serve my father and experience his love more fully. This is why I didn't want to send support letters and why I feel so uncomfortable doing it. But God is good and I'm honoring my mother through this.

Coffee makes me crazy.. I can't handle to much caffeine (SP? Really That is not an easy word to spell.... for me) I think the caffeine buzz is actually starting to subside though, which is good, I can finally focus a little bit.

I had breakfast with Corey this morning, that was so good to catch up. We have really struggled to stay in touch. It was actually a really hard adjustment for me because in high school I relied on Corey so much. He really discipled me in the complete sense of the word. He lived life with me, we got coffee or lunch almost weekly and I constantly went over to the k-life house to see him. I had another guy at northwestern who started to mentor me but then I transfered. Anyways I'm sending Corey my blog address soon so. (HI COREY). I will keep writing like he won't read this though. I am hopeful that if I move back to Des Moines he will start discipling me again. That would be amazing.

Well Doyle just walked in and we are going to play basketball so I have to go.... More to come later. Good talk

LOL it makes me laugh how poor of a job I do at blogging consistently. I do enjoy it and I don't know why I can't make myself sit down for ten minutes and do it......HMPH

I have to give a special shout out to Andrea, You inspire me. I love reading you blog, it really is just refreshing...... I treat it like a tv show almost. When I have not read it for a while I get excited that maybe there are like five posts for me to catch up on and then I read one if I'm really busy or I just read all of them if I'm not.

Also today for the first time I thought "I wonder if Andrea blogged this last summer, and how interesting that would be to read about her thoughts on camp if she did". So I checked and there were only a few posts but they were interesting.

It was actually kind of tough because it made my heart hurt. Funny how that works looking back on how I felt a lot of times at camp. But God gave me some amazing friendships there. Friendships that continued to grow after camp and are still growing ( Very slowly at times). These are geographically challenged friendships. Those are hard friendships, it is tough to catch each other on the phone. I have only been able to see two of my close friends from the summer since I left camp. Those experiences were very weird. First in November I saw Andrea for maybe 3 hours in Chicago, we talked and walked the streets and it was amazing but also very weird. It was this weird feeling of like "this should be normal and it seems normal that we are just hanging out again, but it's not because it has been 3 months" and we only knew each other for 2 1/2.

Then there was the hour and a half I spent with Dave in Minnesota. Crazy our parents live ten minutes from each other. How weird. I know we don't get to talk much but you people are very close to my heart. So much so that it hurts. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me.

I remember so well being dropped off at the airport on august 8th, 2009. I hadn't really been that upset about camp ending or really cried much. Which was weird because I am a person that hates goodbyes and the reality was for me and most of those people that was goodbye, not see you later, it was see you never, have a good one. As cold as it is to say for a lot of the people I spent 2 1/2 months with I was ok with that. I remember the time leading up to leaving after I was a crew camper for six weeks in 2004 and the days leading up to that were brutal. I really ached when it was over. When rez ended I felt mostly numb. That was until I said goodbye to Eric and I started to realize "Wow I have become really close to this guy and I really do love him". That was the one part of that night that was hard. When he said "stay in touch. Honestly, I do not tell everyone that and I mean it" I almost started crying. It was amazing to see/feel that genuineness.

Then when we got to the airport the next day, that was really tough. We stood together at the door, we stood as a group and we prayed. We stood together as friends who developed friendships centered on Christ and it was beautiful. Then the tears started coming. Because it hurt and the was that real fear of "Maybe this is goodbye". I remember grabbing Callie's hand as we talked together toward our check in and looking back and seeing our dear friends standing together waving goodbye and I don't know what we said but we said something and we turned and ran back and that was soooo good. We ran back to our friends fighting off tears, and caring big grins, I think it was almost to say "We would turn around and stay if we actually could". It was like we just wanted to feel that moment that you always see in the movies when they guy speeds to the airport only to get there just as the love of his life is about to board the plane and say "No wait, i love you" and then she turns and runs to him and then they live happily ever after.....

I know I can't really grasp this but how fortunate are we that we get to have a "happily ever after". I know I do not understand what this means but I think it is good to wrestle with and try to understand/appreciate.

Today I have spent pretty much the entire day alone..... Okay I have only been awake for five hours. But that is a solid amount of time. I spent time going through the bible studies for this summer. Man, I can't believe I'm going back to Eagle Lake. Honestly, sometimes I get nervous about it. Sometimes I allow thoughts of "What if I don't really like it" or what if I can't connect with the people on staff, "what if I am not a good counselor", "Did a make a mistake by not taking an internship", or "What if I get there and just realize right away I made a mistake"

I know these are all lies and will not be a reality this summer. But I have had to fight with them just the same.

Father I know that I am not adequate to disciple these youth but you are more than able to speak through me and use me for them to better understand you. I pray for unity among the staff this summer father, I pray you would break our pride and bring us together through love and humility. There is a quote that is fascinating to me "It is amazing how much can be accomplished if no one cares who gets the credit." John wooden. Father help us not to care who gets the credit this summer but help us to work together and be like minded in discipling these youth for you.

Dream Job

Well it has been quite some time since I last posted. Oh well, I decided to day would be the perfect time to get back on track.

So the reason for this blog is something that has consumed a lot of my thoughts for a few weeks. This is something that started as an after thought when my roommate started working on a project about socially responsible companies and the few conversations we had about the research he was doing. Then it moved into more of a for thought when I was at coffee with a friend of mine who I have just started hanging out with this semester and he asked where I want to be in three-five-ten years. It was interesting because at that point I realized I had a decent idea but had not put lots of thought into it and wasn't really committed to it.

As our conversation continued I started to hammer it out in my head. A few days later I had another similar conversation with another friend and it was very interesting how we really saw so many things about life so similarly. Then it was a conversation with my Tommy about what it would look like to work together a few years down the road because of the possibility that he would take his mom's position at a Real Estate company. Maybe that was a pipe-dream but that got me thinking even more. Then it turned into some research I did because of a land development project and looking into low income housing which lead me down a road of reading about some companies who focus on helping to develop low income housing and that is their companies focus. This really gained more steam when I recently bought a book about companies who are responsible... The book is called The responsibility Revolution. I have enjoyed the book and last night I had another conversation about my dream job.

So what all of this has lead to is I have spent a lot of time thinking about my future and trying to find a way that my "career" isn't just this 9-5 thing completely separate from God. The more time I have spent thinking about these the closer I feel I am moving towards not my dream job but my goal job. Which is to start a Real Estate company that is for profit but not only for profit it would be a company with a mission not just a balance. I would like to start this company and have a certain % focus on helping the Low-income, affordable housing industry. I think a lot of that would be problem solving how to make better, more efficient housing more affordable. I mean I really think this is something I could be passionate about and get behind. I believe there is real purpose in going to work every day and not just thinking about making a paycheck to take home but thinking about helping those who are less fortunate than you. I believe that would make work so much more enjoyable, to have a real purpose other than just providing for your family.

I would really like to do this. I mean this is the best way I can think of using my "talents/abilities/understanding to benefit the kingdom and to take care of people. I mean how beautiful of thing would it be to know that I would be helping people have a better,cheaper, and nicer place for them and their children to live. I want to help kids grow up in a cleaner nicer environment and I would like to move into finding more ways to help with continuing education for the low-income demographic.

Anyways, I just really wanted to get those thoughts out but now I have to run to a Real Estate Club meeting.

Victory!

So I really needed a victory today and at two I got to my class room for my Sign Language class to find a closed door and a note that said there was no class today.......Victory! It was so refreshing and rejuvenating, I was in the middle of a very busy and stressful Monday and Boom no more late paper because we didn't have class today, no sitting in class for fifty minutes, an extra fifty minutes to try to be productive towards other things, and it was just a wonderful moment of disbelief that I was actually free from class.

I was reading a blog entry of mine from last fall and it is just crazy to me how long ago September feels like it was. I was just thinking about how horrible the first two months of last semester were and then it hit me that it was just last semester.

Today is the worst kind of weather. The sun never came up and it has just been gray all day. This weather honestly gets me down. That is a big reason why I need to leave Iowa. I think I am more of a California weather kind of guy, always sunny and 70. Yeah that sounds pretty good.

So now that I am positive I am going back to Eagle Lake it has been a really good motivator to be spending more time in the word and more time working on gaining a better understanding of the bible as a whole. Right now I'm reading through "How to study the bible" By John MacArthur. It is different then what I expected but I have enjoyed it for the most part. I am really excited for all of the time this summer that I will be spending in the word with campers, other counselors, and time spent alone up in the mountains.

Father I pray the staff this summer would have a deep love for each other and that would be the focus of our staff to love one another and for your love to overflow from us to each other and our campers. I also pray right now for all of the people who are making decisions right now on if they are going to be coming to Eagle Lake or doing something else this summer and that you would lead them in that decision and that they would use and enjoy this time to examine their life, their relationship with you, their priorities, and what they really want out of this short time we have here.

This moment.....and maybe others ;)

So I'm sitting in Panera right now. I really enjoy going to coffee shops and pulling out my computer and putting my headphones in. I don't enjoy Panera as much as the average local coffee shop. It is just a little to busy for me.

Sunday's are stressful days. Sunday is usually the day I start to see how much I have going on during the next week. It is also the day I plan on doing a lot but usually do not get a lot done. Sunday is usually a big cleaning, organizing, laundry-ing?, and overall just "busy" day. I like to do things that make me feel like I'm being productive as I am putting off doing school work. I think ideally I would wake up early on Sunday but I usually don't wake up till ten (Church is at ten thirty) lol, I feel like a lot of people would read this and be saying "Oh yes that makes perfect sense". But since no one is reading this I will just have to say it to myself.

Anyways I was actually pretty productive on Saturday morning and was able to do all of my laundry, cleaning, and organizing. So that was rally nice and I felt good about the rest of my weekend. Also today I am skipping the Panthers Tournament championship game to be at panera "doing things". So I call that a victory.

As far as other moments are concerned. On Friday I had an interview with a Real Estate company in Cedar Falls to discuss an internship. The interview went very well and I am 90% sure they will be offering me the internship next week. This was my number one option so I am extremely thankful.

It is amazing to me how over the past month and a half God has delivered so much. First I was contacted about going back to Eagle Lake as a crew counselor when I had already written it off, then I spent time praying asking for prayer, the conversation with my parents was terrible, then I asked for direction and prayed at warrior training and the man leading told me my parents were in authority and I should obey their decision so we prayed for God to change their hearts, then my father said that he thought it would be a good thing for me to go to Eagle Lake but he just wanted me to get an internship, so I decided to be obedient to my parents and search out an internship that would allow me to work at Eagle Lake, then there was the discussion about Tommy's wedding and the alcohol commitment, then in a happy birthday letter my parents said they were hoping I would be able to go to Eagle Lake, and now this internship which was my first choice looks like it is going to work out. How many times did I think I had closed the door on this summer and then prayed for God to open it if that was his will and he has continued to open the door. I don't think I have actually realized how incredible this whole thing has been until just now.

Thank you Father for leading me so strongly. I have such a hard time realizing your hand leading me until I look back and see how faithful you are and how obvious your work was. I pray that first and foremost your love would pour through me to these young men and women this summer. I pray that I will not spend one hour thinking that this is my love and I need to love them better or try harder, but that I would know it is your love and my job is to allow you to love me and for that love to overflow through me.

There are so many more things but I am going to take a break. Hey, 2 blogs in three days. Seriously that might just be a new record for me, it feels good.

I knew this would happen

Well I think I can say "I told you so" because I knew this would happen again where I would start a blog and then not blog forever. The worst thing about blogging is I feel like there are way to many things I want to share but they are usually fleeting thoughts so by the time I'm actually at a place where I can blog, I have thought about something else.

I really had to force myself to blog today. It would not have happened had I not been reading Andrea's blog.

Well lets see what has happened in the last month that is memorable. School has been churning along, I turned 22, the weather has been getting warm, the days are getting longer, I have had a few interviews for internships but have not been able to get things finalized yet, I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend my summer at Eagle Lake as a Crew Counselor, life has been busy with Intramural sports, the Fraternity has been keeping me busy, and I have been enjoying time spent with my roommates.

School is not worth talking about except for my Intro to American Sign language class is pretty cool, I have enjoyed learning another language, and learning about Deaf culture and history.

I am also working on a team of Real Estate students that is putting together a land development proposal in Minneapolis. I think this project will be very cool because it will give me a good chance to get a better understanding of what working for a developer would be like.

Turning 22 was good. I think I liked being 21 better but oh well. I had a pretty good time going out to dinner with some of my friends and then going out that night with a group of old roommates, current roommates, and friends. I think I was a little disappointed this year just because I felt like last year my roommates made a bigger deal out of my birthday which was really fun. I think part of that is your 21'st Birthday is a much bigger deal than your 22nd.

Weather oh my goodness. It is nice and sunny outside today and it is above freezing! I have realized a lot more this year how much the weather impacts me. I really think the winter just gets to me with all of the cold and never seeing the sun. That is honestly a big part of the reason why I want to move somewhere with better weather than Iowa. I just feel like there is more of a spring in my step (lol Get it?) and that I'm just in a better mood when the sun is out and the days are warmer and longer. Spring break you are so close, which means daylight savings time is so close!!!!

Well I have a second round interview with a life insurance company in Cedar Rapids, Ia. The opening for that internship is the fall semester, so I would have to take a semester off. Also there is a company from Kansas City coming in April and I will probably schedule and interview with them. They want someone to work summer and fall but I will see if they would be alright with me starting in August. Kansas City would be pretty cool and I know another guy who is applying for one of the two internships there.

There is also a company here in Cedar Falls that I have been trying to get in to their office to have an interview with. We have emailed and they came to our Real Estate club to talk. They seemed really excited about me interning with them but I think they have just been very busy. Which has been very frustrating for me because I'm trying to finalize summer plans and I don't want Eagle Lake to have waited this long and then have me say I can't do it. If things worked out with the company in Cedar Falls that would be the best case scenario, because I could do a part time internship as well as taking classes. Also I would be able to intern with them for a full school year.

Finally, there is a company out of Des Moines who is coming up to our Real Estate club at the end of March who wants to talk about a possible internship. Which I am thinking about asking them if they would be open to me interning from August to December in Des Moines. Which I would be alright with because I know a lot of people in Des Moines and Tommy might be back in Des Moines for a year.

This has been a hard semester for me in the Fraternity. I have thought about quitting many times. I'm torn because I don't think quitting on something is the right way to do it, especially since I am in a leadership position. But at the same time my heart just is not in it. I think mostly it is because I don't really have any close friends in the Fraternity and I have a handful of guys I enjoy spending time with in the Fraternity. I just think it was a really bad decision for me to run for a leadership position, I just do not want to put in the time and I don't really care. I would say I'm pretty burnt out with the Fraternity.

Well this has been a long blog and I need to work on consistency not length. So until next time....

First Blog

Well, I have been here before. The first blog entry of a new blog......... As you can probably tell those blogs have not worked out so well. They all begin very well intentioned and then end up unattended.

This is the unfortunate trend I am trying to change. I am actually sitting at Panera with Charlie right now and we both have experienced this problem with blogging. I chalk mine up to lack of discipline. But me and charlie have meet weekly for the better part of the past year. We have gone in spurts of just getting coffee and talking, and spurts that we meet and do goal setting/accountability. Last spring we were very disciplined with goal setting and meeting, that was very helpful for me in keeping perspective and accomplishing things I wanted to.

Anyways, I wanted to address the name for my blog. Choosing a blog name is very difficult (For me) because there is that expectation that the name of your blog will have a lot of meaning and significance, or you can go completely against that and do something extremely generic. I was struggling witht this when naming my blog. I decided on NY152Shopgirl because those are the two screen names for tom hanks and meg ryan (respectively) in the movie "you've got mail" Which is arguably my favorite movie.

You've got mail: I absolutely love this movie. I also feel like I can relate to the characters in certain ways. With Tom Hanks character I feel like I could see myself being in my mid 30's and still having not met "her" (the one) being in a relationship that I knew I was not crazy about but it was ok and being optomistic about how it would get better and then finding something amazing based completely off of personality. The connection that is formed over email is just incredible. I have half-joked about searching all of the small mom and pop book stores for single females that work there. I think this is could be a viable option if I am still single at thirty.

There is so much I want to fill this blog with/empty from my head but I feel like this is a good stopping point. I need to start putting things on my calendar for this week.

If your reading this my prayer is that you would have a deep encounter with God today.
Like the song in church today said "Prone to wander lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love,". I pray today you won't leave the one you love, and who loves you unconditionally. I pray that I won't leave the one who loves me today.